The big V-Day puts pressure on a lot of people, especially those who are experiencing relationship troubles.  You may not be able to completely cure all of your relationship ails, but you can get yourself started on the pathway to a better relationship. The good news is that you can start working on your relationship any day of the year… you don’t have to wait for the big V-Day. Chances are that if you are having relationship troubles, your sex life has probably suffered in the meantime.

Couples who stop having sex grow apart. Healthy sex is good for you! If you are looking for a reason to repair your relationship, it does not get better than this. So how does a couple begin to settle their differences and work towards a mutual resolution? Well, it begins with understanding what the problem is and, for this, I recommend that each person look at themselves first before they begin the blame game.

Ask yourself:

  • What have I done to contribute to the demise of my relationship? (be honest with yourself)
  • Have you let your partner down in some way?
  • Are you less available to your partner emotionally, physically or sexually?
  • Do you give to other people more than you give to the one you love?
  • Have you cheated on your husband or wife? (betrayal of trust in a relationship makes you less available emotionally and does damage to any intimate relationship)
  • Are you moody, tired all the time, and irritable?
  • Are your spending habits out of control?
  • Do your parents or siblings have an influence on your relationship?
  • Do you have a medical condition, especially a sexual health issue,whichyou have been too embarrassed about to discuss with your partner?
    • Premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction are common sexual health conditions in men
    • Vaginal dryness and painful sex happen to women of all ages for a variety of reason like the oral contraceptive pill, breastfeeding, menopause and more

Now that you know the trouble, take baby steps toward repair. Talk with your partner about what you can do to change the direction of your relationship. Listen to your partner about things they will change and notice the action they take.

I worked with a couple who were having problems with the division of household chores and the man decided he would help out more. He began one day by emptying the dishwasher to which his partner responded, “Oh are you doing that, thank you so much, I really appreciate it.” He did not respond. After he was finished, he said, “I emptied the dishwasher for you and you did not even notice!”  My point is that it takes a while to change old habits and make new ones, so be patient. Finally, speak to your doctor about any sexual health dysfunction you are experiencing. There are many techniques and medications for erectile issues and personal moisturizers, Kegel exercises and TENS devices to help the ladies with painful sex. Making a few changes in your relationship will surely get you back to the bedroom.